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I don't know

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Thread: I don't know
Why didn’t I think of that? My current situation is the way it is because I’m not hearing the truth…the end.

Maybe I didn’t make it clear, I’m not sure what/why I wrote before because thats just it, I don’t remember. Making new memories is beyond hard; if its the afternoon and I’ve been working since the morning, I won’t remember what I did that morning. Who did I talk to? What papers did I move? “Just keep notes then”. Sure, I’ll just stop after every action and interaction and write notes about what just happened. Those notes also have to be crystal clear, any hints, symbols, or just plain ‘notes’ may not trigger the memory I need; and of course I’ll have to find that information from all the other notes in there. I’ve got notebooks full of stuff that I would say other people wrote if it weren’t for the fact that they’re in my own handwriting.

So I need to have a job where what I did yesterday has no impact on what I’m doing today;
I also need to have prior knowledge of the equipment/programs/skills I’ll be using;
one where yawning 15 seconds of every minute is allowed after 4-5 hours of work.
Limited interaction with people because for some reason they have this notion that you’ll remember something they said last week or even from an hour ago.
A job that supplies more than the minimum cost of living because: debt.
And all of this has to be part-time too.

Example of phone conversation: [ring] [ring]. “Hello, [my name] speaking”.
“Hi, this is Bob, I’m returning your call.”
“Yes, Bob, I called earlier right?…can you remind me what you do?”
“Well I’m Bob from [so and so company], we [do this and that]”
“Oh yes, you’ll have to excuse me, you see I have this condition…I just have to find my notes…”.

(Fuck what notebook is it in, what page is it…)

“Yes, I wanted to ask you some questions.” (questions written out, but why am I asking ‘these’ questions, what was I trying to do?)
The truth is I’ve accepted the situation and what my limitations are, I’m trying to figure out what to do next. I’m not looking for pity. I’m simply expressing what challenges there are and why I currently don’t see any good viable solutions, (at least I think that’s what I’m trying to do, I’d have to re-read what I wrote previously for the n-th time, and its simply taken too much to write all this as it is).
Anyhow, its good that you’re able to survive without working, but some of us don’t have that luxury. Some of us have a mountain of debt without the added cost of simply living. Every TBI is different as are people and their lives.

So, sorry if this comes across as hostile, really not my intention, its just that people have a tendency to ‘prescribe’ instead of ‘describe’; to give me their version of the ‘truth’ for me. I guess I need to know that there's more and that's me trying to reach out. I don't know.
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